"It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light." —Aristotle
•••
Amberkit laid on her side, the sun streaming down on her face. The long grass tickled her nose, and she sneezed, then giggled. She looked beside her, to her brother, Slatekit. “Did you find any yet?” she asked him.
Slatekit shook his head. “Nothing so far. You?”
Amberkit was about to answer, No, when she saw one out of the corner of her eye. “Got one!” she cried, plucking the four leaf clover from the ground.
Slatekit leaned in closer to examine it. “No way! Let me see it.”
Amberkit pushed it towards him smugly. “I win,” she bragged.
Slatekit sighed. “You always do.”
Amberkit hesitated. “Do you have any three leaf clovers?”
Slatekit nodded. “Yeah. Why?”
Amberkit snatched her four leaf clover back, and without a second thought, ripped off one of the leaves. “Here,” she offered. “I’ll let you win.”
Slatekit looked back and forth between the leaf and Amberkit. “That’s not how it works,” he argued. “Now neither of us have a four leaf clover.”
Amberkit smiled. “Well then,” she mewed. “I guess we lost together.”
“Amberkit! Slatekit!” It was their mother, Violetsky. “It’s time for your nap!”
Amberkit hopped to her paws. “Coming!” She and Slatekit ran back to their mother, side by side.
•••
“There’s been an attack on the ShadeClan border!”
Amberpaw glanced up from sorting her herbs. An attack? It was probably another border skirmish. It didn’t really affect her, unless some cat got some infected cut.
She continued separating catmint from raspberry leaves, hardly paying attention until she heard her brother’s voice.
“I’ll go!”
Amberpaw froze. “Slatepaw!” She raced out of the medicine den. “What are you doing?”
Slatepaw turned at his name. He looked giddy with excitement. “I’m going to fight ShadeClan!” he told her eagerly.
Worry twisted in Amberpaw’s belly. She hadn’t cared about the border skirmish before, but now that Slatepaw was going to be fighting… “Please be careful,” she murmured. “Promise me you won’t do anything stupid?”
Slatepaw nodded. “Yeah. I promise.” He barely seemed to be focusing on her. Instead, he kept glancing at the battle patrol. “I better go. Tell Violetsky that I say goodbye. And I’ll see you later!”
Amberpaw watched him go, a sad feeling spreading through her. This was the first time Slatepaw had ever gone anywhere without her. It felt like he was taking a part of her with him.
•••
“Amberpaw!” Softwater’s cry brought Amberpaw’s attention back to her.
Amberpaw looked up at her mentor, surprised by how worried she seemed. “Yes?”
Softwater shifted on her paws. “Someone’s been badly injured. I don’t know who it is or which Clan they’re from, but Bluepaw just came with the message that they need a medicine cat over there.”
Amberpaw’s heart dropped. Please don’t let it be Slatepaw. Please, oh StarClan, please. She gulped. “Are we going?”
Softwater started gathering herbs. “Yes. Hurry, now.”
Amberpaw helped her mentor carry some cobwebs and marigold, praying with all her heart that it wasn’t Slatepaw who was hurt.
•••
It wasn’t Slatepaw. It was some ShadeClan warrior who Amberpaw didn’t recognize. She had nearly collapsed with relief when she saw, but she had a job to do.
She had thought she would burst with happiness when Softwater had told her how good she had done.
ShadeClan’s leader, Brightstar, called to retreat, and Amberpaw went searching for her brother. She was making her way through the crowd when the body still left on the battlefield caught her eye.
Amberpaw hardly heard herself scream. She hardly was aware of how she was pushing her Clanmates aside, doing anything and everything to get to the body. It can’t be Slatepaw. It can’t be Slatepaw. No no no!
But as she got closer, she could see the tiny scar on the cat’s hind paw. Slatepaw had gotten that scar from a thorn cut that got infected last moon. She could see how the cat’s gray tail was slightly speckled with black, just like Slatepaw’s was.
“No!” Amberpaw wailed. She prodded at him. “Slatepaw…” Her voice was shaking. “Slatepaw. Slatepaw, you have to wake up! It’s time to go home, now. We won!” Tears stained her vision, and the sky bled into the ground in one confusing blurr. “Please!”
She pulled on one of his eyelids, trying to open his eyes. He had to wake up. He had to.
But his blue eyes—once bright and clear—were now lifeless and blank. They stared up at her with no recognition. It was a sight that she knew would haunt her for the rest of her life, because it was the moment that it hit her that she would never see her brother again. They had spent their whole lives practically joined at the hip, but now their paths had split in two different directions— no. Slatepaw’s path hadn’t split off. It had just ended completely.
“I’ll never be whole again,” Amberpaw whispered. “Not without you here.”
The sun had set, and Amberpaw wasn’t sure it would ever rise again. She was alone in the dark.
•••
Amberpaw felt a soft breeze ruffle her fur as she walked. Grief tugged at her heart, just as it always did. Slatepaw was dead. That was all that seemed to matter anymore.
She had requested that his body was buried in the field with the clovers. Maybe his spirit could look for four-leaf clovers, she had thought. Maybe he could finally win.
She was going to visit his grave. She did every single day, though she could hardly stand to be there for very long. It hurt too much, to know they were so close, but so far away. To know that while his body was right there, that wasn’t really Slatepaw. Slatepaw was with StarClan, now.
She hoped he was happy there.
When Amberpaw arrived at the grave, she sat down. “I miss you,” she breathed. “Every day.”
The simple song of a bird along with the quiet rustling of leaves was her only response.
Amberpaw squeezed her eyes shut. “I would do anything to have saved you.” She opened her eyes. Nothing. What was she even expecting? Slatepaw’s ghost?
With a long sigh, Amberpaw rose to her paws. She was about to leave when she noticed something on her brother’s grave. Peering closer, she could see a clover, sprouting from the dirt, reaching for sunlight.
And it had four leaves.