ELDERS WITH BEARDS!/Seven

Everybody served the elders for a few cut chapters while the narrator thought of a plot idea totally not during writing class when she was supposed to be writing a serious story about an old man who can’t speak for a gross prompt. “OH YEAH!” she said, and went to start narrating.

“IT’S A FULL MOON AND STUFF TODAY. I REMEMBER LONG AGO, WHEN THERE WAS A FULL MOON. THERE WAS THIS SPACE UNICORN, AND IT CAME FROM THE PLANET FLARGERARGELA. IT WAS BRIGHT PINK WITH THESE PURPLE POLKADOTS, AND ITS FUR WAS SO SPARKLY! NOW, THAT SPACE UNICORN WAS SO SPARKLY, IT HAD SPARKLE POWERS! SO I WENT UP TO IT AND SAID “HEY, CAN I HAVE SOME OF YOUR SPARKLE POWERS?” THEN THE SPARKLY SPARKLE SPACE UNICORN WAS LIKE “oK!1!!1!!11!1!1!”  SHE THREW SPARKLES AT ME AND BEHOLD, I HAD SPARKLE POWERS! THEN SHE SAID “i halF 2 go defet uRfaCE ak evLstr!1!!!!1!1!111!111!11!!!” AND FLEW UP INTO THE SKY AND DISAPPEARED! SO, WHEN I GOT SPARKLE POWERS, I WENT AND WALKED AROUND TWOLEGPLACE, BECAUSE I DIDN’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ALL THE DANNNGERROUSS ROGUES HANGING AROUND! I FOUND THIS BOX, AND DECIDED TO GIVE IT GLITTER-ZOMBIE-FYING POWERS, BUT IT HAD THE SIDE EFFECT OF ALLOWING TIME TRAVEL! I JUMPED INTO THE BOX TO TRY TO BECOME A GLITTER ZOMBIE, BUT INSTEAD I WENT TO AN ERA WHERE I BECAME A KITTYPET AND LOST ALL MY SPARKLE POWERS! I EVENTUALLY JOINED THUNDERCLAN AND FOUND THE BOX, WITH CATS IN IT! I ALSO FINALLY BECAME A GLITTER ZOMBIE! GUESS IT WORKS. ANYWAY, THAT’S WHEN I BECAME PURDYSTAR! ALSO, THERE’S A GATHERING TODAY.”

All the cats listened intently to the interesting story.

The critics from above made notes. “Can you revise that sentence?”

All the cats listened tiredly to the boring story.

“Good.”

Anyway, the cats of ElderClan (but not the slaves) went to the Gathering.

At the Gathering, Purdystar jumped onto the highest tree branch and spoke before Rowanstar-the-jerk, One-star-rated-hotel, and Mistystar-the-amazing-but-old. “I AM PURDYSTAR, LEADER OF ELDERCLAN! BOW TO US!”

Mistystar nodded. “O great beardedness, you may have my elders as members and us as slaves.” She totally didn’t agree just because the narrator loves her. However, Rowanstar and Onestar growled. “NEVER!” they said in unison.

ElderClan charged onto the tree and killed them and their deputies.

“YOU WILL ALL BE SLAVES, EXCEPT FOR THE ELDERS. HEAVYSTEP, YOUR IMMORTALITY WILL MAKE YOU A SECOND DEPUTY!” Purdystar yowled. All the cats charged over the bridge and to the ElderClan camp, which is everywhere because ElderClan.