You: The Inescapable World

You: The Inescapable World is a one-shot Warriors fanfiction written by Winterpaw. It is part of The Living Dead Universe, and is one of the five current oneshots. It is the third oneshot written by Winterpaw. The story focuses on Heatherfire's best friend, Pinerain, and her sorrowful struggles to be with her Clan in her friend's absence.

You: The Inescapable World
I saved you. You were thirsty and hurting, and I brought you back to health.

I remember the sky. It was sunny and unfiltered. It was joyful and turned your fur even sleeker. You were beautiful, and I loved you as my sibling.

Then you left. You departed the Clan in an uproar; they burned a furious hatred for you, and I was stuck there. But why did you never tell me? You knew from the start, and yet all I heard about your secret was when your sister screamed it at us all. I know you can’t hear me, and I wish you could, and I wish you hadn’t left me to stare at the blank moon during dusk, but here is what she said:

“My Clan! We have lived peacefully for so long, but now that has changed. I have important news.”

She continued on with the dramatics and pronounces of our beautiful Clan. I didn’t care; I was scared. She addressed us all, looking at us with those shimmery eyes, like she owned us. Like we were lesser poisons and she was the deadliest venom.

“A traitor has risen! And sadly, it is none other than my sister. Yes, it’s true–Heatherfire is a liar and a danger to our Clan. She has lied to us and ruined our happy peace!”

She explained. I felt my guts being pulled out, coated in sadness. It wasn’t the same as you being terminally sick, killing someone, or even dying.

It was that you lied to me. I thought you trusted me. I thought we were together, the closest of friends, and nothing could separate us? I thought I  meant  something.

And yet you divided us completely.

I know I am overreacting. I do, Heatherfire. I know I always saw us having a bigger friendship than reality. I am a dreamer. I am inexorable when it comes to peace.

I care.

Do you?

————–

And then I find you. You didn’t comment, you were heartfelt, and you were worrying–about yourself.

That’s when I noticed the difference. Bluestream was almost– almost –right:

You weren’t one of us.

But who said that was a bad thing?

Before I nursed you, our Clan glared at each other with rippling snarls cast in their throats. From what you did, we trusted no one but our families and ourselves. We were shattered, you broke the peace, and I know you didn’t mean to. The fault in our allegiance was the single missing cat.

But you never even explained what it was like. Not a whisper of it.

I know I am too attached. I know it’s over, and you’re gone. You’re gone, I’m alone, I know. You’re part of them now, but you left me behind. You used to go: “Pinerain! Come here, let’s go sit by the lake. Hurry up!”

I listened. I smiled, and I felt wanted. I thought I was, but that was a lie.

A lie, Heatherfire. I now believe that Bluestream wasn’t wrong.

——–

I told you, when I found you, about the rest of us. We were looking for you. Searching endlessly.

Needlewhisper, Longbranch and Greenpetal. Shinefall was there, helping your mom through it all with her golden gaze and soft paws.

Dawnfur, mother, never told you, but Bluestream had a feast to celebrate leaving. She drugged the Clan with juicy prey and fake lies and we laughed and shared throughout the evening.

She wanted you gone, so I never talked to her again, after the feast.

You surprised me. You were so wary and sorry and helpless. In that moment, I only felt surprise and uncomfort. Not until after you left, gone completely, did I realize how it was all about you. You, you, you you you you. Not me, not Pinerain.

From then on, it wasn’t just missing you and loneliness and sadness. I had anger and deprivation and lust and doubt mixed in. I was a wreck, emotionally unstable, because of you. Heatherfire, so many cats loved you. So many of us lived and breathed and walked for you, and you let us down. Ratfoot gives me sad simpers.

I’m angry now. I hide in my den during the day and cry with the trees during rainy nights. Longbranch leaves me–we never got our kits. He’s Shinefall’s now, the beauty.

Needlewhisper and Greenpetal only pity me. They do not help me, they just get warped. Soon enough, after you left, they turned to the Clan side. Everyone hates you Heatherfire. Everyone but your mother and me.

So as the Clan raged and went on trying to forget about you, I talked to her. She’s adorable, so innocent–why were you always so bad to her? She isn’t the greatest mom, and I understand, but why?

Why? To everything, Heatherfire, why?

You left in a flash, leaving behind endless questions and false hopes. That’s what you do–you act friendly and sociable, and turn everything about you, and then you vacate.

Time passes. I mourn with your mother as your sister has her kits, becomes deputy. While you have your adventures above–so magical and shiny, I bet–she rises to power with fibs and cruelty. So I guess you two really are siblings–both liars.

Grassstar grows old and blind, and shivers at Moonhigh after seeing what she made of their Clan and Bluestream. The medicine cats become the ones who need saving. Our elders’ stories go untold because of the despondency they would bring to new kits.

But your mother, she’s just…silent. A ghost, an empty shell. She hates Bluestream but can’t admit it to herself. She knows she’s been a bad mother, and hates her daughter so much, but she feels so bad…so she won’t admit her dislike.

She’s trapped, andI’m trapped. We’re all trapped here.

But in your memory, which brings difficulty and despair, there is still hope.

It took a moon. I planned each step and precaution. I went through it to make sure I wasn’t crazy–delusional, or worse.

But I was ready. Without you, without the Clan I used to know, this was all I wanted.

It was a night with an indigo sky, fluffy clouds, and endless stars. I supported your mother, Needlewhisper came too, Greenpetal agreed, and we set off.

We travelled through the Clan land all throughout the hazy night. It was tiring and gruesome, and I hated the feelings I got, but I did not dare stop.

We lost her on the way. Your mother went in peace, Heatherfire, and to hold back the tears I would think of how she could finally be with you. The innocent mother and the snarky daughter, happy in StarClan, away from the wretched other one. You were the outcast, yet the one we felt closest too.

And that is why she left. We travelled far, so far, without a clue. Greenpetal dropped out and snuck back. Needlewhisper only felt more pity, and I let her go after I realized she was here because of me. I didn’t want anyone to do anything for me–just you.

I found a barn. It was stuffy and moody, and the closest place I could roam. There I found her, the elderly she-cat with sweet smiles and echoing laughter.

Reeva.

Reeva, Heatherfire. Reeva: your mother. Reeva: your lonely and distant caretaker, who lost her children to dark shadows and heavy souls.

She became my own mother. Reeva was everything I dreamed of; her personality was the embodiment of what I wanted our Clan to be.

She told me everything. You lied to me but I figured it out. I’m no longer angry, Heatherfire, I just wanted the truth from someone.

I wished it had been you.

Reeves was magic.

And that is why I stayed. I stayed and I felt welcomed, I grew warmer, and I learned to accept a home. I never went back to see my Clanmates–but I didn’t miss them. I only missed you and the life I had when you were there.

I grew old in a barn. I found a mother and a friend, and everything fit into place. I had a life, Heatherfire, one that was finally without you.

I was no longer alone.

I moved on. I forgave, but I never forgot.

Because it has always and will always come down to you. I know wherever you may be, cats will have figured it out–

You are our world, Heatherfire.

Whether we want you to be or not, you are the earth. The only choice we had to make, was whether we lived and loved with you or not. You are an inescapable home.

But still, I never forgot:

I didn’t lose the thought of  Why?

I didn’t give up on my hope.

You left, and I broke. You left, and I never felt like myself.

Heatherfire, my friend, my enemy, my sister:

You left, and our world fell apart.