Thread:Flowerpetal01/@comment-32711413-20171228193035

I wrote this poem. I posted it on the hug page but it hasn’t been modded yet and I need to share it. I call it Invisible Tears

I live a life of misery hidden behind positivity Cry tears nobody can see Hidden behind a smile But sometimes my shield of optimism is broken by words stronger then obsidian hitting harder than steel and the words fly out like a paper airplane landing in my mouth making me say things I would never say before making me lose friends lose family lose everything Nobody knows how much it feels like I went through How much I love And lose and let go When they ask me if I’m okay I say I’m fine I’m not really fine Sometimes I cry into my pillow but after I’m done I turn it over so nobody can see the wet spot I wipe my cheeks dry and wait until my eyes aren’t red anymore before I emerge with a grin on my face and nobody knows how fake that grin is When I look in the mirror All I see is a mistake Something that shouldn’t exist A mindful of suicidal thoughts Crushed together into a smile and a giggle when they see my tears they assume that they’re tears of joy I make them believe that happiness Is the only emotion that I have and maybe if I keep doing that I can make myself believe the same thing I blink my eyes since all I see are the haunting faces of my nightmares of my loved ones dying of falling down a hole and never escaping when I wake up I hold back the scream of terror And I breathe And plaster my daily grin on my face Big bags underneath my eyes The veins throbbing Sometimes I just want somebody that holds my hand and tells me that everything is okay kisses my forehead and puts me to bed Where my dreams are peaceful That may be my mother but my dreams aren’t peaceful and Mom isn’t there at school I sit in the corner and read a book during recess jumping in fear whenever I am approached replacing it with a laugh I cry invisible tears That you can’t see Maybe you assume that I’m a robot who’s only happy Hides all other feelings beneath a shell of Giggling and chuckling and joking around because nothing really matters to me I’m not okay But I’d never admit it Because if I admit it I’d be a target for the bullies I’d topple over under their glares They’d break me So I’ll just let you Keep believing That I’ll always be okay The sadness and invisible tears hidden beneath an everlasting smile and compliments and sure, I mean all the kind things I say but my happiness is just a blanket Hiding everything else. Everything else is hidden from you. Hidden away In a locked safe full of invisible tears that you will never ever see. 